Cuddling

by deeplydesturbed   Jun 22, 2016


Cuddles with my cats
on a freezing winter night.
They are purring loud!

Cuddles with my cats.
Soft fur makes a warm pillow;
they like cleaning me.

Cuddles with my cats...
Sometimes my only friends will
listen to me cry.

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  • 8 years ago

    by IdTakeABulletForYou

    Also, I believe I led you astray. The two lines:
    Cuddles with my cats;
    Soft fur makes a warm pillow;" shouldn't both have semi-colons. Perhaps the first semi-colon should instead be a period! I believe it is very powerful now, like your cats are the only ones who listen to you, understand you, and don't judge you. A very frank, honest poem! Loved it the second and third time around, as well!

    • 8 years ago

      by deeplydesturbed

      Thanks S - it was written by a true crazy cat lady.. :P

  • 8 years ago

    by IdTakeABulletForYou

    The following are my suggested edits for the poem:

    Cuddles with my cats
    on a freezing winter night.
    They are purring loud!

    Cuddles with my cats;
    Soft fur makes a warm pillow;
    they like cleaning me.

    Cuddles with my cats...
    Sometimes my only friends will
    listen to me cry.

    I think it is actually quite good for your first senryu triplet, and it's quite adorable. Gives me visions of kittens and loneliness, which are two very contrasting emotions and the fact that you can do that with three small verses is quite the feat.

    The last line of the last senryu verse was 6 syllables, so I edited down to 5.

    5/5
    Much love,
    IdTakeABulletForYou

    • 8 years ago

      by deeplydesturbed

      Thanks S! believe it or not, this was at 2am our time and I couldn't sleep. the cats came in for a cuddle! They are adorable little girls :P who even get under the blankets and sleep like people on the pillows!
      Can be frustrating when they push me out of the bed so they have more space! :P

      also have edited :)

  • 8 years ago

    by Em

    Forgot to say there's a typo on friends "friens"

    Em

    • 8 years ago

      by deeplydesturbed

      Thanks Em :)
      My 2 girls are a Domestic Tabby and a Domestic Tortoise shell. :) Colouring is beautiful!

  • 8 years ago

    by Brenda

    Beautifully done-there something about cuddling up with your pet that is just comfort. Listening to them purr and just looking at you with pure love, everything is right with the world at that moment.

  • 8 years ago

    by Em

    N, I love this triple senryu. It's great. I like that your branching out and trying new things because you're good at what you do.
    This reminds me of my aunts house, she has 4 tabby cats.

    Great write, Em

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