Facing Demons

by Maple Tree   Jul 4, 2016


I never spoke of my failure
the way I should have.

We failed our children
even though they dare
not think of you in that
light, because your death
has been overwhelming
for them.

I never told you I'm sorry
for leaving you alone,
to suffer with your addiction
in silent darkness.

I thought I was doing the right thing
for our girls, but in truth-
I was selfish, consumed
with a desire to be something
I am not.

I should have written this
before your passing,
maybe then you could have
found strength within to fight-
such as your daughters have found.

I wasn't strong enough to hold
us all together and this poem
never would have been born-
but I find it difficult to overcome
these struggles without at least
telling you that I'm sorry.

How can I expect our children to
find peace surrounding your untimely
passing, if I continue to struggle
with things left unsaid.

Wherever your soul has taken flight,
please help our ladies find comfort,
and you should know,
that I always thought you
were a kind and loving man-
I just didn't know how to love myself,
let alone loving another.

Truth be told, I failed our children
as I failed myself-
We can only grow stronger from here on out-

Whether together or apart- healing begins
may we all find peace and forgiveness
within ourselves and for each other.

    report violation
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Latest Comments

  • 8 years ago

    by Melpomene

    Sunny,

    This poem doesn't have the technical strength of the majority of your other poems you have written but you know what, it doesn't need it. Your emotion and honesty within your words are what the reader relates with and to be honest, I don't believe that's even something you would be caring about when you have written a poem that is not meant for the world, it's meant for beyond that. I believe this poem is meant to float off into the universe and eventually it will end up in the right hands or heard by the right person.

    You are a strong woman, I know your heart has been breaking but I want you to know that you did not fail. My mother is burdened with the same quilt you are every day with my sibling and I watch how much it withers her, do no let that guilt wither you. Your daughters wouldn't want it to.

    Much love to you my friend.

  • 8 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Andrea

    This is such a personal poem and so brutally honest that I find it difficult to comment.
    We can - as Brenda says - only ever do what we think is right at any given point in time. Retrospect is a marvellous but ultimately entirely useless tool, in my opinion.

    Wherever your soul has taken flight,
    please help our ladies find comfort,

    ^^

    These two lines moved me immensely.

    By the way, it is my humble opinion that your girls are pretty darn lucky to have a Mum like you.

    Take care Andrea,

    Ben

  • 8 years ago

    by Brenda

    Andrea, I'm so sorry-please don't beat yourself up over not staying with this man. He alone was only person who would decide to stop the lifestyle he was leading. You did what you thought was right for you and your girls at that time. It's not an easy decision and you second guess yourself the entire time but what life would you all of had staying together? I know mine would have been sober for a minute and he would of been back to the same garbage he had always been doing and I would have allowed it yet again, because I was his enabler amongst other people in his family. My girls needed to be shielded from that world and not think it was acceptable to be at the bar at 11am instead of home spending time with his family. Or partying with some woman and driving my at then 13 year old, speeding down the freeway in a soft top Jeep with coke on him and in him plus alcohol. Your write was beautiful and so very sad but I hate to see you beat yourself up-I'm sorry, I feel like I overstepped. Your poem brought back a lot of memories. Hugs to you-

    • 8 years ago

      by Maple Tree

      You didn't over step at all...my poem allowed you to share...that's how we as writers can be supportive to on another. What you speak of is events I faced as well.

      Hugs to you dear Lady

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