Welcome to the site Jaalon!

I think this is a wonderful first piece. The imagery and metaphors are beautiful, a poem I believe to be about your struggle through existence in what you believe to be a darkness, which is perhaps depression.

To make the ending a bit more poignant, I'd edit the last line to either stand alone, or just start on a new line so it's centered below the previous one. It would be a bit more striking to me if it just stood out on its own instead of being cluttered at the end of the sentence, but that's just personal preference.

"Musth" is pronounced that way, but it's actually spelled "must" as far as I know. Wasn't sure if that was intentional or not.

Those poem really is better the third time around, and the interpretations are endless. A great, versatile piece. Great job, and again welcome to the PnQ community!

5/5
IdTakeABulletForYou

Welcome to the site!
Lovely piece for your first work!! :)

Welcome to P&Q! Wonderful first write! Enjoyed immensely - take care-Brenda