Unforgivable forgiveness

Thank you for writing this! I know it wasn't easy for you to bare it all and put your everything into words, but you really did a beautiful job on this write. A lot of painful memories you've shared and I thank you for be so brave. It's never easy confronting yourself and the constant struggle we go through. I'm emotionally drained, so raw and open-hugs to you-

Excellent peom! It expresses emotions perfectly are such a horrid event.. everything is such a rollercoaster. I can relate to this.. it had me at the begining all the way to the end.. well done on this pieçe...
Im sorry it happened to you =(..

This poem is the darkness inside, and that darkness is beautiful. We mustn't scare our demons away, but know them and be aware that they will not go away. There is no exorcism for the natural, inner demons, and if you treat them the right way then they will make you a better person. This is clearly your stepping in that direction, and it's beautiful to see -- as unbearable the walk to get there has been for you, and I -along with so many others- no doubt wish we could change that.

I found a few errors within, so I will simply copy your poem and make my edits within. Lines with ********** after them are important edits, and anything else is just suggested

First, I would suggest changing the title to Unforgivable Forgiveness, as it will attract more people - I would suggest.

Unforgivable Forgiveness
by Beautiful Tragedy

Rain crashes down like the words,
So cruel and humiliating;
Crashing down on me,

******** I would suggest changing this word "crashing", as it is a minor redundancy after the first line's "crashes".********

So young and naive.
I didn't understand the cruelty.
Parents had the audacity to say, "Get over it",
As if you could patch the inside wounds.
A constant reminder: the bruises, black blue brown purple
...At the age of nine,
Saying yes to a question you didn't quite understand.

******** Not sure who "you" is supposed to be, as you change from first person to second person in the blink of an eye ********

Snowball effects,
Rolling, twisting, turning, building
Push and shove and push and pull.
Anger and hatred for being so young, so naive

******** I think perhaps you stuck with second person; if you see fit, changing the beginning to fit the perspective might make it less confusing ********

Blame yourself for your mistakes unmade
And blame others for your made mistakes.
Tell yourself "it's all my fault",
Then tell yourself again "it's not all my fault".
Confuse yourself until your insanity shakes,
Humanity questionable,
Then blame yourself
For that too.
Find someone,
Lose them,
Find them again.
Push and pull game; make yourself crazy.
Turn your head to all your flaws
But point everyone else's out into;

******** Not sure what the word "into" is referring to in this line ********

Mid air, flying high,
Emptiness, phone calls, pleading texts
"Matt, come back." - "Matt, please talk to me."
But no answer... just silence.
Left alone to wallow in nothing but
Pain
Which you've felt your whole life.
It's nothing different.
You're different.
Pretty girl; beautiful girl,
Wash away your sins and demons:
Dance with them,
Plead with them,
Sleep with them [haunting you],

******** More a person touch I'd suggest adding, but I have an affinity toward brackets -- the brackets here would represent the "Sleep with them" standing alone, a little allude to your later mentioned loss of innocence. It still keeps the original meaning in tact, but also adds another dimension to the line********

Hurting you.
You're hurting yourself.
Cry in the shower then smile in front of
People
Who turned away and broke you,
Abandoned you,
Beat you.
Search for love until you think you find it
Then end up back in square one,
When you were seven and robbed
Of your innocence... for the first time

******** Just to add a little ominous affect to the line, I added the ellipsis to emphasis it wasn't just one time, whereas before the reader doesn't really grasp the importance of "for the first time" when it immediately proceeds "innocence". ********

Crash and burn,
Cry and beg,
Scream and plead.
Same old story of running in circles,
Incomplete circles you can't complete yourself.
Hold onto the only thing you have;

******** thin I'm assuming is supposed to be thing********
One,
One thing at a time because if
there's too many, maybe you'll lose

******** "If" and "Maybe" don't go well together, so I replaced "Maybe"; to is supposed to be too, also ********

Them all at once.
Fear is a scary thing:
Fear for yourself,
Fear for others.
Twisting and shaping you into what it wants
--What THEY want--
You to be,
But fall down and get back up.
Cry and cry again,
Crash and burn and walk away.
Believe what they want but
You,
You know the truth.
Point out your flaws and mistakes
instead of others'.

******** I believe here you'd require the apostrophe with "others" because although it's unspoken, it's technically saying "others' mistakes" ********

Make peace with your past and your demons,
Separate the forgivable from the
Unforgivable.
And after everything,
You'll end up with unforgivable forgiveness ......

So, I applaud this heartfelt piece, and hope that my edits weren't too invasive. This is a wonderful poem, so I definitely want it to reach its maximum potential, and that is why I went so in depth. Hope that you are on your way to healing, and I look forward to more from you :)

5/5
IdTakeABulletForYou