Dream Catcher

Also, I think you should change the word "carried to" to "carried into".

Thanks bro. That does make it easier to digest. I want readers to follow me clearly. I guess I never really paid that much attention to how I present my expressions. I'm a formal writer.

I'll admit, I'm not a big fan of just throwing it together in a paragraph. Personally, I feel the poem is much better when the reader has room to breathe and can settle on a line or two during their read-- particularly important lines. With this, it's just a bit suffocating and blase; I noticed it with your last piece, but I see it's just your style. Is there any reason why you clump it into a paragraph instead of giving it room to breathe?

As for the content, there is no such word as "Intangled". It is only "entangled." Below you will see how I would suggest formatting the poem, along with changes I felt necessary:

He'd found himself entangled
in the aroma of her lure.
She smelled of His majesty.
She had given her eye to his muse.

Lust became an additive
-an adjective-
which he had understood.

He understood her.
Standing under her,
he up looked to see her passion
dripping from the
ocean of her dreams.

By his ear, she dragged him
-her words clutched-
and drugged him.
He held her up over his head.
Through delusion, she had addicted him to understanding.
Strength like the sun,
standing under him,
carried to the morning
awakening the hail of his own entity.

I think it has much more room to breath that way, and the reader can let words settle before they go to the next line instead of just reading and taking no pauses or breaths.

As for the storyline, I think it's a very enigmatic piece. It's like the sleepy musings of someone who awakens at the end rejuvenated and refreshed. Perhaps you are personifying sleep into a woman, though I could be wrong.

Anyway, great job, despite the fact that I felt this poem suffocated me!

5/5
IdTakeABulletForYou