by IdTakeABulletForYou Jul 18, 2016
category :
Sadness, depression /
about depression
Rain falls down from heavens, |
by Vicente
I don't really have much to critique on this one. It's well written and has a lot of feeling to it. I want to be there with you to make you feel better though. I want to hold you tight and try to make it better. |
by Brenda
Stephen, I really liked this a lot. The way you formatted it was interesting, I was digging the two person/one entity thing. Sometimes things do get too crazy in our head and it helps to separate ourselves to be able to just function. None of us are perfect, we make mistakes, we fall down and get back up again. We work in jobs we don't like, stay in relationships we aren't happy in, stay out of relationships so we don't have to try or attempt to be happy. You put a lot into this and it shows, it's well written and heartfelt-take care-Brenda |
by Marshall Lee
Hey you! I like this piece. The imagery had me lost. You say bucket; you say melting pot. I can picture both, if that's what you want. I can't write with rhythm, but your choices of words are always interesting to read. |
The reference to the bucket/cup can go two different ways. 1) The bucket/cup is a reference to one person's misery being sustenance for another person's happiness. The misery man puts into the bucket is the cup from which some drink. In order to feel powerful, the person on top must see people who are weak. In our modern society, everyone is looking for attention to plump their ego. Most do this by degrading someone or something else. 2) Also, a storm came through and caused a leak in a building I was in. They had to put a bucket underneath it, and it made me think how one person's suffering is another's sustenance. While most looked at that bucket as a symbol of broken piping or something not working, another person in the world could have seen it as refuge; water to be drank. Not a bucket to them, but a cup of life. Sustenance through which life can be had. So it can go either way. |
S. I really love this one. Structured well.. rhymes brilliantly.. well done. |
Thank you, N |
by Em
S, this is so powerful and made me think about my times of darkness when I felt like I was falling and fast. |
Thank you, Em |