Comments : Laugh, perchance, to dance again... (Shakespearean Sonnet)

  • 8 years ago

    by Em

    Michael, I really don't know what to say about this apart from I could have written it (just not as good lol) because as you know I seem to be in the same sort of situation.
    Bloody 'love' and all the things it brings to the tables. I often say I'd rather be a little girl again because skinned knees are better than broken hearts. I may have got this all wrong mind.
    Love the last couplet.
    Em

  • 8 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Michael - a wonderful sonnet, wistful and epic and beautifully written. I have a couple of suggestions, though.

    Why does the rain cascade from purple sky?
    The intensity is soaking through my soul.

    ^^

    First line is perfect and flows wonderfully, however, I think the second is one syllable too many. I would try removing the first 'the' as I'm not sure the iambic meter is right with it there anyway. 'The' (stressed) 'in' (unstressed) 'tense' (stressed) 'si' (unstressed) 'ty' (stressed).

    What about 'intensely does it soak right through my soul' or something like that.

    Wanting your hand to reach out without care.

    ^^

    'Want' (stressed) 'ing' - (unstressed) so I think this throws the iambic a bit too.

    Lasting friendship is something never bought.

    ^^

    Same here at the start: "last" is stressed and 'ing' is unstressed. It could be 'A lasting friend is something never bought'

    All up to you Michael and either way, the grandeur of this piece and class is obvious.

    SL

    • 8 years ago

      by Mr. Darcy

      Sir, your advice is welcomed. Thank you.

  • 8 years ago

    by Brenda

    Michael, this is just lovely-you English blokes and your mastery of sonnets-just kills me...beautifully done-

    • 7 years ago

      by mossgirl19

      I just wanna say I understand how Brenda feels! Why are you writing sonnets like having a coffee in the morning... Huhuhu