Shopping bag woes

by deeplydesturbed   Aug 6, 2016


Shall I carry thee to the car to sit?
Thou art heavy and thou weigh mine wrists down
Is this something I wanteth to commit?
Even I may, behold liketh a clown

I gath'r all the bags on mine own arms
and setteth off in searcheth of the car
mine own muscles strain in mine own f'rearms
bid me I don't needeth to wend too far

I sloweth down as the weight is mucheth
at long lasteth, car is in mine own view
a few m're steps bef're mine hands toucheth
thanketh to the gymw'rk which cameth through

anon; popeth the trunk, loadeth the car
all this ado i des'rve a gold star!

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Needed help with the Shakespearean so used a funny site. Just for reference!
http://lingojam.com/EnglishtoShakespearean

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Aslo this is my first attempt at a sonnet :) so any tips or critisism are welcomed! Changes have been made! :)

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  • 8 years ago

    by Milly Hayward

    I liked very much the humour and tongue in cheek approach. An unusual approach to a title that could have more easily been written straight. A nice surprising approach that made me chuckle. Well done on stretching the boundaries of expectation. Milly xx

  • 8 years ago

    by Milly Hayward

    I liked very much the humour and tongue in cheek approach. An unusual approach to a title that could have more easily been written straight. A nice surprising approach that made me chuckle. Well done on stretching the boundaries of expectation. Milly xx

  • 8 years ago

    by deeplydesturbed

    Edits have been made - thanks for the tips all! :)

  • 8 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    This is very impressive stuff, Naomi. Sonnets are extremely difficult, let alone humorous ones.
    Iambic pentameter is difficult but becomes much easier in time. Keep the sonnets up as this shows a natural flair for them

    SL

  • 8 years ago

    by Em

    Morning N. I'm to good with sonnets' and the pentameter so I'll leave that to Michael and others who have knowledge on them, all i know as Michael stated its hard to write a funny one and you did it well.

    Em

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