Love at first sight

by deeplydesturbed   Aug 12, 2016


At the ninth hour I first did see thee th're,
something inside mine own soul wast did stir
thou face studied me with eyes of a glare
thy corse couldn't has't been any smooth'r

gently pick'd thee up in my trembling hand
mine own heart did swell with such a loveth
i did proceed to lodging thee on sand
mine own heart did swell with such a loveth

over the course of five years thee hath grown
until fate did step in one Saturday
thee w're hath called nay longer just mine own
I finally had to giveth away

mine own turtle; mine own wonderous pet
With many hours I shall never f'rget

    report violation
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Latest Comments

  • 8 years ago

    by IdTakeABulletForYou

    I am a turtle, and therefore you love me.

    Wonderful sonnet, darling. I'm proud of you! We should do a sonnet together!

    5/5
    IdTakeABulletForYou

    • 8 years ago

      by deeplydesturbed

      Thanks S! Ya know I do.
      If only we lived closer ;) haha

  • 8 years ago

    by Brenda

    N, you really are embracing sonnets beautifully. Such a lovely tribute to your pet turtle. Well done-

  • 8 years ago

    by Em

    N, I really liked the tale of you pet turtle. It's rather original and your sonnets are. Coming on nicely. I need to check those sites lol.

    All the best, Em

    • 8 years ago

      by deeplydesturbed

      Thanks Em!
      Still along way to go :)

      and that book is helpful and so are the youtube videos!
      Plus i have 3 very helpful men ;)

  • 8 years ago

    by deeplydesturbed

    Thank you ! I have been youtube watching and i will give that site a go! :)

  • 8 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Hello,

    http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/66856.The_Ode_Less_Travelled
    ^
    This book really helped me. There are exercises that once completed a few times will have you nailing the iambic pentameter.

    I have just read your sonnet and I have mixed feelings. On one hand the IP is pretty much there, but the use of olde English words is distracting due to the words sounds not being obvious. This can upset the flow and make it confusing for readers to understand. My advice is to use these words only if they compliment the flow.

    All in all this sonnet is amazing, its telling of a loved pet turtle is original. I like seeing traditional forms like this being used for subjects that maybe aren't traditional. Have you checked out my twist on a traditional theme? Here is the link: http://www.best-love-poems.com/poems.php?id=1249610

    Great stuff - you'll be definitely be inspiring others to try, no doubt!

    Take care,

    Michael

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