This piece has good themes for a dark poem however it's lacking execution.

The very last word in the poem is incomplete, the first two line's don't rhyme and the lines that do rhyme seem very forced (rhyming "life" is very rarely done correctly, and coupled with "strife" makes an unimaginative cliche). I find it better to not push rhyming - if it doesn't come naturally then it is not necessary in poetry.

There's not a whole lot of imagery created in this piece, it's more of a narrative. I find the beauty of short dark poems to be in the imagery rather than just being a recount/story. I think the imagery comes with practice so keep on writing and both flow and imagery will come :)

All the best.