Wrong Roads

Hello Saffie,

Lovely, though harsh imagery here with your heart strings snapping. I have read your poem a few times now and I have a couple of suggestions:

1. - a slight change of form to accentuate the exact moment

I remember the exact moment
that you walked out of my life,
slipping straight from my heart and into my past.
It was, the 'snap' of my heart echoed through my room
and bounced off every wall.

2. Between stanza 2 and 3, may add more power?
You ignored the cries of pain as my heart ruptured, reluctantly releasing you

The final stanza is vivid. I can see you stood there; probably cursing and wondering how you'll ever get home again and where you feel happy and safe.

Good luck and take care,

Michael

Saffie, this is a wonderfully written piece with emotion shining through and people that have been 'in love' will truly relate to this piece.

I remember the exact moment
that you walked out of my life,
slipping straight from my heart and into my past.
The snap of my heart echoed through my room
and bounced off every wall.
^^
This is powerful and remembering the exact moment someone walks away must be devastating because it will always come back to us as we remember that person. The sound of the heart snapping and echoing as it does so is very vivid and shows how painful this must be for you.

I guess we took a wrong turn somewhere
on the road we were supposed to travel together.
You must have been attracted to the exit signs
which I never even saw.
^^
I like this stanza the most because you describe their love as a journey and you taking a wrong turn because they were attracted to the exit (whether it be another 'love' or just in general) when you never saw it coming and unfortunately this is generally the way unless the two people are definitely in love ans can work these things through. The descriptives are amazing.

Here I am now,
stranded in the middle of this narrow lonely road,
kicking myself for ever believing
that forever was ours for taking.
^^
Again, using the journey words like 'narrow road' to me show this was a long journey with this person thus being all the more heart-breaking that they left you stranded.
Yes, we all come to a time where we kick ourselves because we believed that forever was ours.

I'm glad Sir L nominated this as I'm all out.

Em

Hello Saffie,

More wonderful, dark imagery conjured here. The idea of a heart 'snapping' and echoing throughout the room is dreadful but excellent.
Love is never more devastating than when one party feels more than the other.
Nominated,

SL