A Short tale

Enjoyable read. Poor mermaid. It's a bittersweet story. Well done.

Milly, I apologize for not seeing this sooner. What a lovely poem! I loved the mermaids and your visuals transport you right there. Beautiful write! Take care-Brenda

Thank you all very much for your comments they are always very much appreciated and inspiring - much love Milly x

Hello,

I enjoyed this piece. I thought your wording was wonderful. Looking at it on the whole now, without focusing on anything in particular, I can see such variety in your lines and stanzas. No patterns to the words above and below. I know that sounds like gibberish, but looking at it as such, helps one better understand why it was so edible. Least it does for me.

Anyway, I very much enjoyed the simplicity, and yet the fantasy of your story. As Meena quite rightly said, it was like Disney mixed with reality.

I do have two small suggestions. Not that you need follow them of course, but I thought I share. I think you need more syllables on the fourth line of the opening stanzas. I think it's too short in comparison to it's predecessors, and it jars the flow. Perhaps:

'whilst sitting prettily, upon the pretty rocks'

or

'whilst sitting prettily, secluded on the rocks'.

The second is in reference to the second line of the third stanza. I like how 'dress' is a mirroring of 'dressing' at the start of that line, but I feel it's unneeded. I think it's stronger ending on 'best'. Also, it's a stronger rhyme. But, of course, you'd need to add a word to compensate for the loss of 'dress'. Maybe;

'dressing the sky, in her absolute best'

Or something in a similar fashion.

Regards,

Bradley

P.S. Please comment and vote honestly on every piece you read.

I am including this write in the list of excellent.

Yes, there was a time in my life when I was very much influenced with mermaids. It became a dream for me to see a real mermaid, if she exists. And then I had done a lot of research on mermaids, I viewed many pages related to mermaid, I watched many videos, but none of them were convenient. In the end I came to the logical conclusion that they exist only in stories and novels not in reality. This poem of yours is taking me back in that phase again. I have heard they suffocate humans out of breathe by taking them down in the depth of ocean.

This poem is totally full of imagination and its just like a tale. The way you have written is very much appreciable.

First stanza is delivering out the miraculous domain of mermaids. Throughout this poem you have painted a great scene of nature flow which is making this short tale outstanding.

Very well written.