Comments : On Target -

  • 8 years ago

    by Em

    Love this

  • 8 years ago

    by ether

    This is a nice little piece, but I get the feeling it should be a haiku which can be achieved if you remove "as" from the second line and perhaps adding a comma after the first line. Up to you. Regardless of the extra syllable this is still a beautiful write very deserving of a 5.

    • 8 years ago

      by Everlasting

      Thank you! hehe I like it with the "as". In that case, I rather not call this piece a haiku. :P thanks for the observation and suggestion. It's much appreciated.

  • 8 years ago

    by deeplydesturbed

    Excellent little piece! :)

  • 8 years ago

    by Golden AnGel Rhapsodist

    Nice little piece

  • 8 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Hello, a nice piece and one I see as a tad 'I'm going to do it my way' and 'I won't let the form dictate the poem' for this I commend you. *claps* *smiles* *coughs* *blushes* *skulks away* *finds a corner* *starts a fire* *throws on poetry rule book* *smiles again* ...

  • 8 years ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Liked the imagery of this little poem Milly x

  • 8 years ago

    by Dreamofolwin

    WOH,,, so much imagery from this small piece. LOVE IT! :))