My sister, my bestfriend

by Marc Ortiz   Sep 13, 2016


When I was young I envied my older sister,
Her achievements have always outshined mine.
My parents have always put their attention on her
And I was left there alone in the shadow.

I made a promise to myself that one day,
I will triumph over her accomplishments.
When that dream came into reality,
I expected her to be annoyed but she did the opposite.

At that moment I was in a state of confusion,
Why was she smiling like an idiot?
And then I realized that she tried her best
In everything so that she can be a role model for me.

I never realized before that my older sister,
Has always been there to fill my cold heart with warm love.
She has always helped me navigate through the stormy sea,
When I was drowning in the deep, dark and unstable water.

I will always wonder why a delicate cherub,
Was sent from the heavens above to be my sister.
I must have done something good in my previous life,
Because a sister like her is the best blessing I can ask for.

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Latest Comments

  • 8 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    I really love the realization of the powerful poem

  • 8 years ago

    by Bianca Rincon

    This seems like a very sincere and clear poem. You've conveyed your feelings and relationship to your sister very clearly in prose. I like it and the topic because it's something that I think a lot of people can really relate to. One suggestion I have it that you try and paint a picture. There are a lot of opportunities here where you can "show" instead of "tell." I think this could really help move your piece along and captivate your audience even further. Another suggestion is that you write about specifics to try and make the poem more personal. What does it mean to triumph over her accomplishments, for instance? What does this look like? What would you do, or what have been her accomplishments? How can you dive deeper in descriptions like "fill my cold heart with warm love"? How can you describe this in such a way that will captivate your audience and really paint a picture? These are just a few examples.

  • 8 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Hello Marc

    An interesting poem here about family dynamics and how misleading they can be.
    If anyone is to blame in these scenarios, it's probably the parents (often unwittingly) and yet it's much easier to blame the one who receives all their attention as they are the focus of all the success and what we envy.

    Funny, then, that years on that very same person can be the one that was looking out for us all along...

    Ben

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