Comments : College Days (Form - Senryu)

  • 8 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Great little senryu, Augastus. Well done on this,

    Ben

  • 8 years ago

    by Golden AnGel Rhapsodist

    Hi there Augustus,

    this is a nice piece. .It's a crush crush thingy. ..Great Senryu :)

    Gel

  • 8 years ago

    by hiraeth

    Great little senyru, though I do have a couple of suggestions:

    "Blue eyes girl smiles at me; bliss"
    ^instead of blue eyes try blue-eyed.

    &

    "bell rings in my heart."

    try "bells ring in my heart"

    • 8 years ago

      by Augustus Black

      Thanks a lot, pal.... Your suggestions are very vital for me. Thanks again. Have a nice day.

  • 8 years ago

    by Em

    Augastus, I enjoyed this.

    I do agree with senryu on the blue-eyed part as I was going to suggest that too.

    Great work though, Em

    • 8 years ago

      by Augustus Black

      Thanks, Em.. I like you enjoyed this. Thanks for the suggestion.

  • 8 years ago

    by ether

    I can see you were obviously studying hard at the time of writing this ;) it's good to see a sense of humour put fourth in poetry. Perfect little narration of what makes school/college more bearable.