Resilience

My landlord is a sweet old lady who calls me mooie wijfje. says "altijd mooi jij met die rode lipstick". She tells the new girl that moved in "dit is Yakari en Yakari is heel lief". I blush as if I understood the compliment.
one day, she gave me a tour of her house. she told me she is fixing the first floor for when she is even older and her body can't handle the stairs anymore.

I am amazed, at the way people are so enthusiastic to live. how they carefully make plans as if life was indeed guaranteed.
I am 100% sure that if I was to go today or tomorrow I'd be completely happy. to be finally free from this endless exhaustion. its an absolute dream.

My writing has been creating boarders between me and what I love for years now. it is why people come but it also is why people leave. I wish the plaudits would calm down. I fear I am too human for this world.

people, they are confused
and it confuses me. for the way they read in between the lines and can only take out the bravery, the fire, the brilliance.

..but can never see the pain that fuels it. The poet is cracking beneath her own weight. this is not some disney movie. this is blood, sweat, tears. A story on how resilience
gets a woman through her day.

authors note: "yakari is heel lief translates to Yakari is very kind"