How Did I Get Here

I'm not sure how I got here
thoughts bouncing around in my head
I see their lips moving
but don't hear anything they said
they exchange a look
and I'm forced into a chair
drilled by some nurse
with brown messy hair
she keeps asking questions
like the answers are going to change
finally fed up
seems she deemed me strange
she lightly gets up
a flash before my eyes
say I'll be fine
comforting me with a lie
she opens a file
and my picture is bound
judging me, evaluating
without making a sound
I'm lead into another room
where I'm forced to undress
"leave them on the floor,
and don't mind the mess"
I take off my clothes,
they take them away
not caring what I do
nor what I have to say
alone and naked
in this white-washed room
taken over by thoughts
that come way to soon
a few minuets later
a new nurse walks in
she eyes me up and down then says
"shall we begin"
one eyebrow shoots up
clipboard in her hand
clearly she knows something
that I do not understand
"please step over here
and spread your legs apart"
as she marks my scars
on my full body chart
she mirrors my work
one by one
and I just stand there
becoming completely numb
in my head I'm counting
to each line she draws
my eyebrows crinkle together
just thinking of the cause
no, she must be wrong
she drew a multitude
ones I'd forgotten
and no longer thought to include
she taps her pen
and tells me to turn
it was then
that my lesson was learned
never before now
had I been so bare
a tear starts to form
because I'm starting to care
what have I done
how did I get here
thoughts bouncing around in my head
I see her lips move, but nothing is clear...

-This poem is about my first check in procedure to an asylum, where they do the body charts of self injuries. That is where I first realized how my cutting had taken over my life. If you've ever been there, you're not alone. Stay strong. -