Comments : Inner Space

  • 8 years ago

    by Golden AnGel Rhapsodist

    Hi,

    nicely written piece...

    Decisions like will I spend my impending fortune on moon visits?
    Will I be one of the brave few to live and die on Mars?
    Will I discover my hidden genius in astrophysics?
    Will NASA write me into its history?

    ^^^

    elegant layout. ..

    voted 5/5 for this

    Gel

  • 8 years ago

    by Larry Chamberlin

    Jane, I know you too well to accept you no longer dream. It's just that as you get older, as we all do, dreams become more focused - they align themselves with our matured goals.

    I too dreamed of planets in other systems, but unlike you I made no albums. Writing was my barest talent. I'd love to hear that album if you ever post it on youtube.

    I find your poem to be laid out in four natural steps: the youth formulating her dream, possible consequences, revisiting, melancholy. Well executed and very relatable.

    • 8 years ago

      by silvershoes

      I'm too embarrassed to share the album on YouTube. It's about what you would expect from a teenager using Garageband with minimal musical talent. I don't use my free time doing interesting things anymore. As a teenager, I wrote an album, churned out daily poems, read books voraciously, and I started writing a book. Now I drink wine, play with my cats, and watch Netflix. Larry, I'm so boring :(

  • 8 years ago

    by Em

    Jane, what a thought provoking piece.

    The same image, but not the same person.

    I haven't sung of space beyond this one for years,
    and I don't know if I should laugh at my optimistic youth
    or cry because I've grown too old to dream.
    ^^
    These lines are the most genuine that I have read in a long time and we can all relate I feel because we are always the same person on the outside but grow older (obviously) and our dreams change. We realise how life can shape us and how things change.

    Fabulous, Em

    • 8 years ago

      by silvershoes

      "Genuine" is probably the best compliment someone could give me, especially on one of my poems. I'm very flattered, thank you.

  • 8 years ago

    by ether

    I loved this. Voted for it in the space competition. Simple form but powerful in it's emotion.

    Particularly,
    "I felt young enough then to make huge decisions" xo

  • 8 years ago

    by Naughtymouse

    Jane this is an amazing write and also a really honest one too, the last stanza is like a sucker punch! great job.

  • 8 years ago

    by BlueJay

    Judging Comment:

    Reading this poem my heart broke, it shattered for the author and it cracked for the loss of imagination and potential in our world. I truly enjoy the voice in this poem and how a piece so simple was able to hold such sway over me. There are so many commendable skills and techniques within this piece that to say I was captivated, entranced, or even just amazed could not possibly do the author justice. The imagery in this one was subtle, but it worked well because the emotions were so overpowering. Silvershoes definitely has a way with her storytelling that brings the scene to life before the end of the first line. Everything about this write is incredible.