To look in the mirror and see a "happy" face with bright eyes.
To see "acceptable" clothes and jewelry.
To see the ever-present smirk or grin.
Take a closer look.
Do you see the dark circles that line my eyes from sleepless nights?
Do you see shining eyes that are holding back tears?
Do you see the ever-present wrist coverings?
Do you see the tremble in my smiling lips; trying to keep composure?
Then there are the things that are kept hidden.
The scars, bruises, and open wounds.
The pain in my joints, shoulders, neck and head.
The click in my jaw from years of clenching my teeth;
resulting in pain that radiates pain down my face.
Deeper still there are more secrets to unlock.
The constant, debilitating war with in my skull.
The butterflies in my stomach that never fly in formation.
The words on the tip of my tongue that never experience the light of day.
The conflict in my heart as I struggle to stay hidden.
The ache in my abdomen where a baby should be growing.
The searing hot pain in my wrist, thighs and stomach;
Aching for the next round of brutality.
But alas, here I stand in front of the mirror;
I don my greatest mask of all -- happiness.
I can't let anyone see the terror that I experience.
I don't want to hurt anyone....
I only want to destroy all that is inside of me.
