Left for Dead

by deeplydesturbed   Oct 17, 2016


I will die slowly
Stuck inside my own body
Let my soul escape.

    report violation
5


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  • 8 years ago

    by Brenda

    Naomi, such a sad write. Please say you will never give up and keep striving. Depression is like a blood sucking leech but we can try our best not to feed it. Hugs-Brenda

    • 8 years ago

      by deeplydesturbed

      Brenda, I wont lie, each day is a struggle.. One day I guess I will share my entire story, but I am receiving help and have been for some years now..
      Patrick has stood by me as a best friend for most of those and in the past few months as a boyfriend..
      some days I just feel so so bad, and getting out of bed is extremely difficult, and I tend to turn to the bottle (or more), sometimes cutting is the only way to feel something other than the darkness and numbness.. but as of late actually just this week i have woken up twice with the biggest smile on my face.. :) i think this trip has helped a lot.. :)

  • 8 years ago

    by Em

    Naomi all I can say is right now with this stupid depression I can totally feel this piece.

    Em

    • 8 years ago

      by deeplydesturbed

      Thanks Em,
      To be honest, I woke up smiling the last few days, in the arms of Patrick and only 3 days to go.. Its an unusual feeling.. one i know wont last, but im taking it at the moment! :)

  • 8 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Hello Naomi,

    I don't mean to demean your poem, but this sprang to mind:

    Left for dead

    roped vines wind themselves
    tightly around my pulsed soul
    strangling me slowly
    ^
    I am hoping this still captured your intent.

    Take care,

    Michael x

    • 8 years ago

      by deeplydesturbed

      Thank you Mr Darcy. As always for your input.
      However, in this case, I like it as is. Possibly you can post yours as your own poem? :)

      when i get back, Id like to collab with you if you like?

  • 8 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Great senryu, Naomi, with an almost pleading last line. An acknowledgment in the other two that your body is destined to die slowly and (seemingly) unhappily - and an acceptance of that - but at least let the soul go free afterwards.

    Well done,

    Ben

  • 8 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    This senryu is very powerful...

    As age lingers on (getting older) the soul yearns to run free....
    Or depression makes you feel like your soul is trapped for eternity...

    So many angles you can go with this poem....love this!!!!

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