Larry,

This is a very good piece of writing that is, by turns, transparent and translucent. In the first stanza, you are blunt in your relation to the reader about what has become of your lover and yet the final stanza seems rather more mysterious:

never knowing that we were stalked
by your past that robbed our future

I think that's what I like most about this piece: the 'great reveal' almost seems to work in reverse here. Or, simply, it could be read backwards.

Anyway, this is a fascinating, melodic and almost hypnotic sort of write which will receive my nomination on Monday. Alas, I am already out of votes this week!

Take care,

Ben

Larry, as always and not to regurgitate old comments, you write so damn good it makes me sick. Not content with an amazing word choice and atmosphere you go and throw it into a Quatern, which is possibly my favourite of all formed poetry, I've written a few so I know how central that recurring line is and yours is perfect.

Amazing job Gov'na

Ben (both of you), thank you. Taking ether's challenge, this is rewritten from a poem I wrote in 1998 & I appreciate your compliments. The choice of a Quatern was dictated by my desire to reuse the line, rather than the other way around.

I can't add much more than what the 2 Bens wrote....

This is exquisite though and it shows how much you have grown as a poet since you wrote the original.

Em

Beautifully written sad but dynamic Millyx

Judging Comment

Quatern's are one of my all time favorite forms. Larry did beautifully of this remake. The repetitive line needs to be catchy to the reader and yet flow, which his repeat line did that and more.

To write of a place where you were born perhaps can be haunting and yet rustic to the eye and soul of the writer and the reader... this was a powerful piece by Larry and I am happy he chose this form to display it with... very nice!