Comments : Gasp

  • 8 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Andrea,

    An interesting write indeed. I believe - one way or another - we (the readers) are witnessing the final acts of a relationship as it happens (unless whatever has just been said/conveyed is not half as serious as you make it sound!)

    Fingertips muffle words
    as partial sentences can
    be heard from a shocking
    response.

    ^^

    I see this as you having asked something to which he can only cowardly reply behind his muffling hand. What I like is that we never know exactly what it is that you asked; what has he done/admitted to? Cheating? or simply not loving you anymore? It could be anything but nothing good.

    I felt the emotion of what your soul
    shared with mine-

    Mister;
    It doesn't matter what you said
    your eyes told me everything I needed to know
    and
    I ran...

    ^^

    The muffled response was irrelevant anyway. You have a connection with this person that allows their eyes to give you all the answer you need. An admittance here of guilt, if not verbally, then certainly emotionally. Probably both - again - an admittance through cowardly muffles.

    I just ran away
    because my heart couldn't
    handle the
    truth.

    ^^

    That's all that was needed. The truth is revealed, your heart broken and all that is left is to run away (and never come back?)

    Andrea, this is a mesmerizing write in regards to it being rather translucent: we have glimpses of what's happening but we are not given the reason - only hints.

    I could have it all wrong, but I'm happy! :)

    Take care,

    Ben

  • 8 years ago

    by Em

    Andrea, this is a stunning, mysterious piece so I admire your choice to put it into miscellaneous. It has many interpretations.

    1: The beginning is mysterious because it seems to start mid scenario so the reader is pulled in and it leaves us wanting to know why these fingers are muffling the shocking revelations and what exactly happened or was said and it seems we will never know fully know.

    2: It seems here that there was no point in his hand covering his mouth or obviously in the lies he told as eyes never lie and here was no different.

    I can imagine this poor lady running (and not wanting to stop) away from the person she loved because he lied to her or told her something she didn't want to head and could never possibly comprehend. I feel the reader is left guessing as to what the whole situation was about which is always a good poem, I feel
    Very thought provoking.

    A well told, simple but all too relatable tale.
    Well done on this as always, Em

  • 8 years ago

    by Brenda

    Andrea, this is such an amazing mysterious write! My take is you and this mystery man have both just witnessed something so horrific happening right in front of you. You look at each other trying to comprehend what you are both seeing. Perhaps he was the cause of this,? You realizing this, run off, unable to shake this awful thing you have witnessed. So well done!

  • 8 years ago

    by deeplydesturbed

    Andrea,
    Very interesting layout. Its executed well. Also very hard hitting.. we all run from the truth every now and then, but we must remember it always seems to catch up!