Breaking Point

A thought provoking piece with excellent flow and rhyme usage. Thanks for sharing. Maybe I will write an acrostic titled Breaking Point.

~Jessi

So opening stanza

"How long does it take
a day, a month, or even a full year
There is only so much I can fake
before I get my s_ _t into gear."

I connect with this, because every day I feel like I wake up faking some form of normalcy and happiness. Fake it til you make it am I right?

Third Stanza also holds meaning for me.

"So, within a day there is a black dot
you placed it there with your spiteful words
Within a month, my stomach in a constant knot days have long since become blurred."

I'm a dweller; so when things are said/ or done to me.. I have a hard time letting it go. People often don't realize how much one word, name, comment can demolish ones confidence and hope for a better future.

4th and 5th stanza

"A year has long gone by now
my soul just an empty mass
With a final look back, a final chao
My foot steps hard down on the gas

You use your words to bring me down
teasing endlessly with such hate
Even when I'm begging on the ground
you kick me with your full force and weight."

I almost feel like Your talking about a parent or possible partner, someone You held on a pedal stool above others.
And finally You jumpin in the car and pressing the gas to get the F ck out of there. Because they have beatin you down for the last time. They are sad stanzas but the ending of the 4th holds hope in my opinion. You seem to be moving yourself out of the emotionally maybe physical destructive situation you had been living with. which is the first step of recovering from it.

I moved out of my parents house at 16, and never moved back in. Me and my mother never had a good relationship, she broke me down in a lot of ways emotionally.. With her judgment... from my weight, my grades, my tastes and personality. It was hard, but I must say it has improved in the last 10yrs.. I still remember the things we went through, but I do have hope to fully forgive her one day.

and finally stanza..

"So how long does it take
a day, a month or a full year
It only takes one word to break,
to bring on one lonely little tear."

Closer is perfect, I like the slight repetition from the first stanza. I do that a lot in my work too. It verifies what You questioned and the answers you have found.

Great writing, keep it up!
5. Jenn

Naomi,

As good as it is to see you posting your work again, it is equally as upsetting to read content like this.
One day, I will open up one of your poems and there will be lines of magnolia skies and tangerine sunsets, whose beauty is only diminished by the silver mo...(sorry)
You never know...stay positive and I may be proven right!

Take care and all the best,

Ben

Pleasures mine

Naomi this is such a sad yet beautiful written piece with unforced rhyme that makes it read so much smoother. Unfortunately, it is so hard hitting and relatable to so many people including me. I think I have said this many tines recently but remember it is a bad day, month or even year not a bad life though sometimes it feels it, I know all too well how bad things can be and how much sh it life can throw at is bit what we need to do is hold our heads high and say 'bring it on'

1: Yes, there is only so many times a person can fake a smile, fake the words "I'm ok" and "I'm fine" before they think wtf am I doing, I need help because I am far from fine and ok and this smile is far from real though it may take time to admit it to yourself let alone others.

2: Nods head here, no matter what we go through we would never wish it on our worst enemy. I loved the rhyming here and yes, there's only so much anybody can take before they hold their hands up and say "have mercy on me."

3: All I can say here is words hurt more than bruises etc because they stay with us until the day we die and when something bad happens they always resurface and when life is dishing out dirt it does seem to go by in a blur.

4: Again I will say things do seem to go in a blur when all that seems to happen is bad stuff.

5: This is the most powerful stanza. When person kicks and kicks and kicks even when you are down that person isn't worthy of anything apart from karma and it will come.

6: I love the little repetition here from the first stanza because (I think) it shows that its a vicious circle once somebody hurts us. Yes, it takes only one bad word even in jest to make us feel like sh it and like the world is against us.

This is really well done, Em