The blood

Tears are inside,
though you cant see them.
the emotion takes over me,
like a river that over flows.
and i give in to the pressure.
today i will do it,
today i will not try.
today i don't care about you,
today i only need this razor blade.
i take the blade,
and put it to my skin.
the blood that spills to the floor,
its beautiful isn't it?
i stare at it,
the blood slowly flowing in a river down my arm.
the more i look at it the more i want to touch it,
the more i want to taste it,
smell it if i can.
and i know that later i will regret this,
but right now i don't care,
i just want to do it again.
so i move to the next arm.
the same thing.
the blood pouring and spilling to the floor,
getting colder and colder as it flows.
i stand trial for my sins now,
and my whole mind set is changed.
why did i do this?
why did i have to be so stupid?
they will be disappointed,
they will be mad,
some will yell.
some will cry,
but i know deep within my heart that they all love me,
and thats why they care.
so now i lay on the floor,
in a position similar to Jesus,
the blood seeping into the rug on either side of me,
and i think
"god, will you ever help me?"