I Called It Love

I reached out for you with
bloodied fingers.
They were raw from all of the times
I tried to keep a hold of you.
I drowned in your
imperfections & uncertainty
but I loved it.
I chased after you for so long &
I didn't even pause to
catch my breath.
The smoke from the cigarettes
filled my lungs when
I kissed you &
I choked on it
but I didn't care.
I continued to run back
to your cigarette lips &
let you kiss mine until
they were blue.
I called that love.
You grabbed me so tightly that
I thought you would never leave me.
But at 2:00 AM,
you disposed of me
once again.
This time, I think I'll let go
of the grip I have on you &
after 7 long years,
I'll let my bloodied fingers
heal.

-H. Elizabeth//the thoughts in my mind//thoughts about you