I don't remember what it felt like.
The day he finally left me on my own sitting in my puddle of tears clutching at my chest in pain hoping that it would all just go away at some point.
I don't remember what it felt like.
Crawling, skinning my knees over the broken glass of the memories I used to hold on to so tight. When did they fall of the walls I can never quite remember, when the nails bent and the hammer stopped working, why did they stop working?
I don't remember what it felt like.
When the days became nights and they blurred like water colour sunsets. and the arms that once felt like a place you'd find even if you weren't looking suddenly became cold and empty like a vacant basement.
I remember what it felt like.
When my own sanity suddenly drove me madder then the crazy I held on to, and the little girl who used to meet me in the mirror suddenly didn't smile anymore and her pink dresses became torn and her eyes were holes that felt nothing anymore. I could remember reaching out to her and asking where she went. The holes in the universe consumed her until she was that of what they hadn't devoured and she wished they had because she no longer felt she mattered. Happiness became and empty room that had no key, and sanity became a past, it became a dream.
