Man Down

by Irene   Jan 1, 2017


A wounded soldier I once was
Struck in the chest
By the power of evil
Sorrow filled my once beautiful soul
Leaving it darker than said before
For sorrow so deep stained my heart
Leaving me weaker than ever before.

All hope I once had
Was left shattered
Into specks of dust.

It was the I realized
That I had failed my task...

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Latest Comments

  • 7 years ago

    by Em

    Hi, welcome to P&Q and a great first piece by you here. Even before opening this poem I thought war and soldiers because of the title especially as that's what they usually say in war films etc when a man is injured, or worse, killed in battle. I do like that the title relates to the actual content in that aspect.

    1/ This is an eye opening beginning as many soldiers are injured and killed in was leaving behind the people that they love which is one of the risks of going out to war and one reason I could never do that so I take my hat off to them for fighting for their country. I feel here being struck in the chest could relate to leaving a loved one behind as well as actually being struck and either way it's one of the worse places you could be struck.

    2/ This is so very sad because it shows how things progressed because this soldier probably felt happy at one point because he was fighting for his country and felt there was hope that war would end but I feel there will always be a war somewhere for as long as we shall live unfortunately. The imagery of his hope shattering and turning into dust is fantastic and I also, feel because he was wounded he will feel like he will be a forgotten war hero which happens unfortunately.

    3/ This ending seems as though there could be a sequel because of how it ended, I would like to know more about his task. I mean I know he was in battle and a soldier but was he on the frontline or doing something else, if that makes sense. I think 'the' in the first line should be 'then'

    There is so much within this piece that I have read it a few times and found something else great about it.

    Well done,
    Em

    • 7 years ago

      by Irene

      Hey Em,

      Firstly I have to say thanks for the amazing comment you gave me. I really did work hard on this poem so I appreciate this.

      I honestly find it amazing how you were able to figure out the background meaning of what I wrote. As for what you said about the ending seeming as though to be a sequel was some how intentional. I left it open so as to see what you as a reader would interpret after reading the poem. It would give you as a reader room to think and explore diffeeent ideas.

      I also felt that if I continued the poem it would tell a completely different story as to me it's as if his soul died while in battle but his body left behind. As for your other comment where you said he would no longer be remembered as a hero was quite accurate as that was what I was aiming for. It is unfortunate that the people who participate in such events are not always remembered.

      Thanks for the comments,
      Irene