Unconditionally

As I lay here feeling broken...
my heart reaches out to you.
But...
Can you hear my silent plea's to help you?
Does the thought of suicide give you
A feeling of peace?
Even when you used to tell me
that suicide wasn't the answer?Does this make me selfish-
Or does it show that care?
I don't want to live without you.
I can't help but feel that this is all my fault.
All my fault...
look at what I've done..
The guilt of it all makes me yearn for my razor.
Yearn for the stinging pain it brings;
The pain that
makes me feel alive even when I'm shutting down;
Like a phone does when it dies..
I don't know how to express myself to you-
So I let the tears continue to flow like a river because
what's the point anyways...
You've been silent since yesterday.
My insides crumble and turn,
Anticipation twisting them like a knife.
Heart racing,
I'm curled in a ball unable to stop these body-racking sobs.
So many emotions...
Your silence scares me
But I continue
sending all my love and support to you..
Even when I'm falling apart.
Not able to risk cutting myself,
I let my emotions take over and
my chest caves in.
I want to shut down;
to numb myself... to run.
To run so far away and never look back but...
I refuse.
I will stand by your side and love you no matter what.
you've always done the same for me;
Even when I didn't deserve it.
With this,
I wipe my eyes and get ahold of myself;
Slowing my breathing to control the sobbing
And close my eyes.
No matter the storm;
I will love you.
Unconditionally.