Is not meant to be

Why is it never easy, make your heart work with your mind,
Why can I never conquer my feelings, and leave it all behind;
And although in a way, it's what I prefer,
There is nothing honorable about what I allowed to occur.

Seeing near, seeing you far,
I can no easier touch you, as I could a distant star;
I smile when you smile, my eyes dampen at your pain,
A true self-torment for which I wish I could abstain.

You are with the one you desire,
But I'm a fool, a cheater, a liar;
I don't love the woman who lies down nightly beside me,
But my true love is not meant to be.