Walter,

A sad write, truly. When we feel this lost and the world seems to be moving forward and we are stuck firmly in place, life really can begin to seem rather pointless.
I suppose looking back at where you think it may have gone wrong is a natural thing to do, but maybe it doesn't help. The trick is to acknowledge where you are now and try and get out of the hole with the tools you have - not the ones you don't.

Take care