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A thousand racing thoughts run through my head
And I can't quite seem to calm them down
All I want to do is sleep forever,
Escape this world, this life, this town.

I've tried a million different coping skills But none of them seem to work
Your face flitting across my closed eyelids,
In my dreams at night you lurk.

Missing you doesn't cover it anymore
I'm not sure I even know what to say
Nudging my nose in my pillow,
Trying to keep my thoughts of cutting at bay.

I've spent the last 24 hours sleeping,
With crying mixed in between
Shove all emotions down when I'm out for work,
Praying my vulnerability can't be seen.

I can't seem to express my feelings
No matter how hard I try
Laying in a broken mess on the couch,
I hardly even have the strength now to cry.

I'm drained and I'm tired despite my large amount of sleep
So I sit here and ponder my choice,
Do I even have any say in what happens?
And if I do, can I even find my voice?

It feels like ages since I've said a single word,
My throat too raw to speak
I'm pathetic, I'm useless, and I mess everything up,
And to top it off I'm weak.

Being strong is a choice we make
And right now I'm feeling trapped
No motivation to get up and do anything,
Growling stomach, Red eyes swollen, and my lips are chapped.

Still trying to find ground without you here,
It's harder than it's ever been before,
I keep thinking this self hatred will go away,
But with each passing day comes more.