Bosnia 1995 (the 1st thing I ever wrote)

by CJ Maleney   Mar 7, 2017


A six foot box
with an all round view
There's no glass in the windows
The wind just whistles through

A six foot box
With sandbags placed all round
Standing here with no moral
My rifle in my hands

The houses here are derelict
But the countryside seems fine
Yet no one dare in walking
For fear it may be mined

No one wants to be here
But it's part of someone's plan
Some bastard back in England
And just because he can

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  • 8 years ago

    by therapoetic

    I must admit... I was confused by your final stanza at first. It took me a few rereads to (I hope correctly) determine that the speaker of the poem is stuck in Bosnia just because some bastard back in England's plan. I think it's because you had to switch the word order to keep your rhyme scheme.
    Maybe you could clarify with the slight addition of some punctuation. Consider:

    No one wants to be here
    But it's part of "someone's" plan
    (Some bastard back in England)
    And... just because he can.

    • 8 years ago

      by CJ Maleney

      It's exactly how I wrote it over 20 years ago, I figured I would keep it as it was written.

      It's flawed, I'm flawed yet it still tells a minute bit of a story.

      Regards

      Craig

  • 8 years ago

    by Naughtymouse

    Craig I really like this, love rhyming and your voice in this. You can tell you were there by the directness and language you use, my hat off to you sir, for sharing this with us so soon since joining and for sacrifices you made.

    • 8 years ago

      by CJ Maleney

      Thank you, it was a very small part of my life but one I'll never forget

  • 8 years ago

    by CJ Maleney

    God I was young when I wrote this, it has never been seen by anyone till now. (Except family)

    Despite the content I'm quite proud of my time there. At the time of writing it was minus 27 Celsius (wind chill taken into account), so you can understand me being a little miserable at that point

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