Serving Tables

Hello there, I'll be you waitress
And I'll be serving you tonight.
May I start you with a beverage,
A sweet tea or a Sprite?

You've interrupted me just to say
You're in a rush and don't have much time,
But you've chosen a sit-down restaurant
As where you'd like to dine?

Yes, you will get free bread with your meal.
Would you like to hear the features of today?
And yes, you're in a steakhouse,
Of course we have filet

I'll bring you a straw when I get your drink.
You're in a hurry, we've established that.
Have you even bothered to look at the menu?
Or did you think it was a place-mat?

Okay, you want a sweet tea.
But not lemon, you want a lime.
I'll bring you a straw when I bring your drink.
Did you not understand me the first time.

Here's your sweet tea and straw, but now you look mad.
Cussing me out, and being rude.
I'm sorry there's a baby sitting near your booth.
There's an open table if you want to move.

No? That's fine, are you ready to order?
I remember your on a time limit.
Or just keep being rude and complaining,
Or leave, I don't give a shit.

Salad with extra ranch, and filet;
Cooked well with almost no pink.
Lots of butter on the potato.
And you've already inhaled your first drink.

Salad with extra bacon and cheese,
No tomato, onion, or cucumber.
And you want me to bring that extra ranch.
You're in a hurry, yes, I remember.

Your salad isn't even halfway gone,
As I deliver tea number nine.
Along with the fifth ramekin of ranch.
And of course you need some more lime.

Your overcooked steak is on it's way
You wanted most pink to dissipate.
So it's going to be on the grill a bit longer.
You're going to just have to wait.

Of course I will bring you another plate
Of our fresh, hot, freest bread
With more sweet tea and another damned ranch.
How on earth are you not yet dead?

Finally, here comes the food you've been wanting.
All in order just as you asked.
Now you can continue stuffing your face.
And I'll catch a breather at last.

But, oh, what's this? You have a complaint?
Something's wrong with your filet?
It's far too dry and overcooked?
Its well done, what can I say?

Now you say it will be fine,
There's no time to wait on another.
But I hear you say while standing nearby
You just wanted your meal to be covered.

And every time I walk near your booth
You'll ask me for only one thing.
Running me back and forth all night
With every item I bring.

I clench my teeth as I check back
And ask about dessert.
Of course you won't have time for that,
Because you have to get to work.

Bringing another sweet tea and lime as I drop your $3 bill,
Containing only the price of your drink.
And you'll complain, I know you will.

Relieved for you to be leaving soon,
I watch for card or cash.
But you aren't making any moves.
Just sitting there on your ass.

Another round of guests come and go.
There you are without care or worry.
What the hell happened to "short on time"?
I thought you were in a hurry.

Finally, after camping out.
Not caring where you went,
I pick up the book with your $3 bill
And of that you left 3 percent.