Trouble

Hands shaking;
My thoughts race at a thousand miles a minute.
Bile slides around in my stomach,
Twisting and turning the insides as the acid eats away at it;
And yet I can't do anything but lay here.
I left work early;
Giving some pathetic excuse about a meeting I can't miss..
Something I seem to be doing a lot,
The leaving early part at least.
I know my boss is getting fed up with my call offs and excuses,
But at least my excuses are consistent with my home life;
Not total lies at least.
Despite my growling and upset stomach I take another hit of my cigarette
As my eyes continue to water like they have all day.
Am I crying?
With a lack of sleep my thoughts are almost incomplete,
But the thought of you almost never fails to enter my mind.
Jumbled thoughts and broken images somehow form into
Memories I'd long tucked away,
Reflecting back on everything I thought I knew back then,
To what I know now and it all just leaves me in a
Huddled mess under my bedspread.
You could say I'm depressed,
Or you could say I just have a lack of love for whatever kind of life this is.
Some say you shouldn't depend on others for happiness;
But that's not what I did.
I depended on you to help me see my worth.
But now that you're gone,
I'm having trouble doing it on my own.