27 birthdays. 28??? Maybe

I've had 27 birthdays
Will I have 28
The thought so string and suffocating it distracts me from life

Im here but Im wondering
What will another year bring.
365 days for what to happen?
How many Failures will come?
How many Let downs will happen?
I wonder how many times my heart will break in those 365 days?
How many heads will fall in disapproval?
How many times will the world come crashing down?
How much more can my shoulders even hold.

I Dont want to be here anyway.
It so hard to wake up and not want to breath everyday
I Dont want to any more

How many disappointments will I get endure?
How many days will my existence alone burden someone?

Do I really want to do it?
365 more days..
All I Do is let others down.
How many times will they hang their head in disappointment?

What do you do when you know they'll be better off without you.
Less worry.
Less disappointment.
Less hurt.

No more why can't she just be like this?
Why does she do that?
Can't she remember anything?
Why doesn't she just listen.
No more endless nights people worrying.
They will know where I am?
That me resting peacefully is no longer an option.
Im safe.
Out of harms way.
Remember where I am I'll always be there waiting for you next flower or visor.
Bring me pictures.

It would all be over.
No more looks.
No more disappointment.
No more wondering
Everyone live on happy.
Questions will end with a simple she died.

I always waited to see my children grow.
They're my love.
Most precious thing in the world
Mommy will wait for you.
Never forget to show me how smart you are.
Im watching you always.
Grow big and strong.
You always deserve the best.
And thats why mommy couldn't stay.
She knows it will be better and less heart ache if you just stay with daddy. And for mommy to just watch.
Remember. Show me how smart you are. How bright you can be. Dont forget to have fun. And enjoy the outside. Thats where mommy loved to be. It let my soul breath and my brain rest. Everyone the wind blows Im giving you a hug. Every rain drop on your cheek is a kiss straight from mommy's lips. Be brave. Be smart. And always show each other how important you are to each other. No matter how old you get you'll always be my babies and I'll always be watching.