The Darkest Hour

I've spent years building the thickest emotional wall ever known;
All to protect my heart which I thought could never be shown.
So much time has been spent closing myself off completely and never realized how much it would affect my life;
So afraid to be hurt, I shut myself off from my family, friends, son, and wife.
I couldn't bare the thought of losing the family that I promised to love and protect at all costs;
But my fears got the best of me, causing pain to all of those around me, to the point of my life almost being lost.
A kiss, a hug, a sincere goodbye left my lips and entered my son's ears not an hour before, he had no idea what was happening.
I was so confident that his life would be better without me as well as the rest of this world.
I felt the switch flip and it seemed that there were was no turning back, the pain went numb, the tears kept flowing, yet a smile came across my face knowing I would hurt no more.
My composure was kept as I made each stop to gather the tools needed to put my pain to rest.
My choice of liquor was poor but it would cloud my judgement even further to follow through with my plans.
The choice of razors seemed meant to be, as there was only one pack left in the entire aisle.
Concluding my last stop, I proceeded to my final destination which had become full of dark clouds and free of life.
The rain hit the roof heavy and the music could drown out a parade, the drinking had already started on a completely empty stomach.
Filled with anger, shame, and disappointment in myself, I messaged those I could and told them I loved them one by one.
There wasn't much for me to remember after that point, all I knew was that I woke up the next morning in my mothers spare bedroom,
Another chance at what we call life, its time to stand up and fight and make all my wrongs right.