Mom

Yet another tragedy
strikes again for you,
and you are left defenseless.
I do feel bad
for what has happened to you.
Your life has not let up,
nor has it gotten any easier
in the past few years.
You make choices,
and usually they are not
made thoughtfully.
First me,
then your fiancee,
then your best friend;
2/3 are dead
and one is just gone.
You lose everything
around you,
but survive somehow.
A lot of this
you do to yourself,
and it makes it hard
for others to care
when you repeat your mistakes
over and over again.
Things happen,
and sometimes we don’t
see them coming,
but much of what
is a part of your life today
is in your control.
You are not a victim,
although you may act like one.
This life is what
you make it to be—
giving others control
is your first mistake.
You find comfort
in the wrong things,
and they slowly
suck the life out of you.
Whether it be the cigarettes
or the toxicity of men
within your life,
you latch onto whatever clings to your skin
and it’s dangerous.
You consume yourself
and lose sight of what you should focus on—
your children.
Although you may not understand this,
we take on a lot from your mistakes
even if it doesn’t seem so.
When you’re pissed off
you take it out on us.
It breaks us down,
but I decided I was done
with being treated like I’m lesser.
I know there’s a lot
on your mind,
and that your life
is far from easy.
Again,
you are at the steering wheel
and you keep swerving off the shoulder
into ditches
when the pavement is clear.
You have dealt with immense pain,
loss,
suffering,
but that doesn’t excuse your behavior.
I once would do anything
to make you happy,
but you didn’t want to be happy
and pushed me away.
Mom,
why did it have to end up like this?