Wow you two, what an amazing and powerful duet,
really enjoyed reading this girls, well done

lots of warmth

Michael :0 X

Duchess and Cowgirl, this is seriously...absolutely great! The rhymes are spot on and the emotions contained within are so pure coming from your hearts! I loved that it ended with a ray of hope, believing life and love will always find a way! Yes, well done and as Michael puts it, an amazing and powerful duet! Love, love, love.

Good heavens, ladies! Here I was looking for an early morning pick-me-up and I am dragged into the very doldrums of oblivion by some seriously dark writing! HOWEVER, there is some hope - a shaft of light - at the end there!
In all seriousness, a very well written piece; I cannot separate the stanzas between the two of you which is the hardest thing to achieve with collaborations.

All the best,

Ben

I disagree with everyone here. I don't really like this poem tbh. There is definitely some good within the piece though.

The rhyming is simple and ok mostly. It works well for each stanza. Except that second to last stanza. I think personally that can be cut out. It slowed the flow for me so much. I think the last stanza could start with

"And no longer do i feel parched" but that is only if you cut out the second to last stanza. But again thats just opinion. Another thing i loved is the title. I don't think you could have made a better title for the meaning you were trying to say.

I liked the meaning behind the poem because i can relate to it. The thoughts about your past are haunting you during the present. It works well. Except that, you establish the *hope* piece way to early i feel and while you do save it until the end, it should only be at the end of the poem and not at the start, because that really threw me off. Because you want to portray a certain meaning which by the title you did, you want the darkness to fill the readers mind and then make the feel good at the end. Again opinion.

The thing that threw me off the most though were the first two lines of the poem, because they don't flow well together at all, and i feel they are the same thing.

My suggestion would be to say something like

"I'm just barely breathing,
and almost dead inside-

You want to convey to the reader thst the mood is dire, while having it make sense. That way it still works witb your rhyme and gives that panicked feeling. All my opinion though. Its a great structure to the poem though!

Another well written poem with lots of imagery and emotion. I am so glad that it ended on a hopeful note x

Ladies, lovers, friends - this piece from the comments has a bit of contreversy going.. I personally enjoyed it. you two had me reading it over and thinking to myself " get this, ive been here".. Well done. I couldnt tell the two of you apart which is amazing... I nominate.. :)

Yes I get this! I'm here right now. Damn