Not your fault...

I won't believe a word you say,
And baby it's going to take time,
I've been hurt by many who were like you,
Far before you were mine.

I want to trust you, I want to be strong,
But hurt is hard to erase, it's been there too long,
It's not your fault, these walls are metal,
They won't come down, my defense won't settle.

My last, she liked to play with my head,
Re-arrange thoughts, until I wished I were dead,
She had words like yours, soft like a cloud,
My own emotions, I was never allowed.

I thought her perfect, just like you,
But it withered away, her facade not true,
And instead of a smile soft and fair,
Only a wicked grin lay there.

I thought she was great, better than my ex,
Who, I got away from, for it was best,
He hurt me too much, never showed care,
He'd rip me apart, insides bare.

He hit me so much, I forgot I was alive,
He broke me down, to the point I near died.

His damage was worst, and it will linger years,
Some days I can't speak, only give tears.

The people broke me until I was but a doll,
To stay alive I sold my soul,
My heart felt dead, dark as night,
But when I met you, it would ignite.

I'm sorry my dear, for all this hurt I held inside,
I'll get through it, I'll get by,
I care for you, as I hold you tight,
Please stay with me, one day I'll be alright.

****Disclaimer****

This is a poem written in regards to damages of past relationships catching up to my newer one. I was in an abusive relationship (Physically, mentally and emotionally) with the first person I ever loved. I left him, and eventually dated another person who had a different kind of abuse pattern. I may have moved on too soon from her, and my current relationship is somewhat dealing with repercussions from my lack of trust. On top of abuse, I also have had an unhappy life. Thus, it can be hard. He is patient, loving and caring, I do not wish to lose him of course. This is a new kind of relationship. The healthy kind. An dit will take some adjustments to become used to it.