How you make me feel

Hi Jenny,

This for me was your strongest piece (that I've so far read). Again, there is that issue of line lengths, but I think in a lot of cases, it's just a matter of a word or two in or out, like:
"Cause I'll no longer let you see me cry,"
could be:
Cause I'll no longer dare to let you see me cry,
and:
"Or how at times you can be so mean,"
Could perhaps be:
Or how at times you can be so monumentally mean,

I think your use of language in this piece was much more intriguing, though. And actually, it occurs to me now that perhaps it was your theme that I picked up on before in 'Sundays' and 'My Very Last Days'. You were writing about love. About being in love. Love is the force that is responsible for so much in this world: war, piece, sacrifice, anything creative, etc, and we are all propelled by it, but it is supremely complex. I've found in my experience, that writing love poems are the most difficult by far to get right, because it's easy to end up writing sappy, head-in-the-cloud pieces. I think perhaps that's why this piece seems so much stronger than the other two.

I personally, have noticed - or should I say believe - that your poems seem to start stronger than they finish. They seem to lose focus as well as frame. That being said, my favourite stanaza was the one second from the last:
"That should make someone feel horrible inside,
Leaving a gaping hole in their heart a mile wide,"
First off, 'gaping'. Great word. Secondly, it's simple, but in a very in different way. There is a depth to the content, but a simplicity to the wording. A an exceedingly good couplet, and in fact, in all honesty, my favourite two lines of all three of your pieces.

Life's a gift and so are your poems to your readers.

This is a harrowing thing to read.

If this is still the situation, remember you have legs. They are pretty good at that walking thing.

Craig