Sundays

by Jenny Paradise   Aug 9, 2017


Even though we argue on most of them,
Sundays are my favorite days to spend with him,

Cause that's our day, just him and me,
No work to worry about, no places to be,

So every minute of that day we get together,
I wish everyday was Sunday forever,

I wait patiently all week for our day,
Whether we sleep all day or go out and play,

It doesn't matter if we walk on the beach or shoot some pool,
As long as I'm with him I'm perfectly cool,

He works so much, we don't get a lot of time together,
Unless we stay up all night and do whatever,

But I don't complain about it though,
Cause I'll take all the time I can get cause you never know,

If something might happen to your other half,
And you'll no longer have that one who makes you laugh,

So that's why out of the whole week, Sundays are the best,
I get more time with him than the rest,

He is my heart and soul,
Spending the rest of my life with him is my goal,

So even though we argue on most of them,
Sundays are my favorite days to spend with him.

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Latest Comments

  • 7 years ago

    by Lucifer

    Good rhyming. Again beautifully written.

  • 7 years ago

    by Bradley Peter

    Hello Jenny,

    To start, I very much like the subject matter, though if I'm being honest, I feel it started to drift away by the seventh/eighth stanza, and lose it's focus. I also feel that from the fifth stanza onwards, the rhythm was quite confused, with one line in the stanza being far longer than the other. This like, for example:
    "It doesn't matter if we walk on the beach or shoot some pool,
    As long as I'm with him I'm perfectly cool, "
    Could've perhaps been shortened into something like this:
    "We could walk on the beach, shoot some pool,
    As long as I'm with him I'm perfectly cool,"
    I'm of course not trying to tell you what to write, or how to write it, but give suggestions that may help in the future for a smoother flow. With this line it just felt as if you wanted to have your cake and eat it too (an expression I've never understood, because of course one would like to eat the cake they have).

    Despite what I've written, the piece did have an ease about it. A charm. A calm, blissful joy. This is the first poem I've ever read by you, and so far I like your work, I just believe that with a few tweaks to your approach, your work would be even better.

    P.S. Be careful of repetition. Sometimes it's great and can really work, but other times it can be jarring. I feel you may've used the word 'day' a tad too much in the first few couplets

    • 7 years ago

      by Jenny Paradise

      Thank you for you're advice I really appreciate it :) this is a poem I wrote when I first started writing about a year and a half ago. My newest ones I'm sure you'll like a lot better. I have a few of them on here. But really thank you. I like to hear what I should work on cause I only wanna get better.

  • 7 years ago

    by Sushmita Mitra Chetri

    Your attachment with the other person is well reflected in this piece....
    Well penned.
    ~S

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