It's 3am and I sit
at the edge of my bed, staring at the
Soft winter snow falling from the stars.
Remembering
Of a time as dark as tonight.
I feel my feet flexing on the cold floor,
Trying hard not to wake the sleeping heart
Next to me.
She wakes up anyway
Feeling my heart shaking the ground
As the cold mountain wind
Leaves a trail of memories behind.
She sits next to me
Trying to imagine the darkness like I do.
But she only sees the towering city lights
Dimming in the distance from the winter storm
She only feels the cold branches toppled with
Midnight snow.
She only hears the quietness of a restless home.
She doesn't know the pain
Of a thousand snowflakes
Circling and revolving down into your dreams.
She doesn't see the repressed memories and the
Unfolding madness it brings while you sleep.
But it's not the pain of my past that I won't let go.
"It's nights like these that gives me hope" ,
When you have to catch the
Small sliver of light to make you smile
Before the darkness swallows you whole.
It's nights like these I think of her.
I held her warm hand with all of my heart,
As if I'm afraid.
Looking through the painted window
On this winter bed
I imagine staring into her eyes,
Like I did 19 years ago.
It was a night like this, 9 years old.
I snuck into her house.
We cuddled together to keep warm.
Her parents took away her blankets
(Abuse comes in many forms.)
They knew it was going to be cold.
I remember her muscles flexing
Against the winter floor.
At first, I didn't see the knife
She was cuddling.
She sat up, her body fixated towards me.
but I knew she was staring at her pain.
Like the silent tears running down her face,
nothing could stop the hurtful snow
From falling; years and years
of endless abuse
has finally taken its toll.
Without a word and without effort,
she went into her parents room.
Knife in her hand, consumed
by a trail of sadness.
Without a word and without effort,
I came up to her and gently wrapped
My arms around her.
Feeling her years of anger and hatred
Seeping through my skin.
It was the first time I have ever prayed.
I stared into her eyes in complete darkness,
As she set the unused knife aside.
We stood there until the Restless Moon came to play,
Lighting up our silent smiles in the dark,
As if we found each other for the first time.
Knowing we are only a few feet from madness,
Yet innocent love is all we can see.
It was the first time in my life I felt
someone loved me,
And someone loved her.
Hand in hand we walked back to her room.
I feel the tears falling next to me.
As we finish staring into the past of my winter dreams.
As dawn slowly approaches,
I am no longer praying alone
Holding hands in the dark.
We both believing she's still out there,
the Restless Moon
guiding Her way back home.
I told my Love,
A splitting image of Her,
"It's okay to smile in the dark."
Enduring Love will always find you,
Look in your eyes, and smile back.
