I struggle with
truly expressing my
feelings to people.
Like,
that doesn't mean that
I don't express what I feel,
but that it takes me
a helluva long time to do so.
I always have a wall up,
a facade if you will,
in anticipation.
I've had many past experiences
where once I
truly exposed my
feelings to someone,
that I would immediately
be shot down.
Or worse still,
those feelings that I have exposed
would somehow be used
in the future to
emotionally blackmail me
to do something that
I don't want to do.
As such,
I keep my barriers up.
And I keep them in check,
only providing information
sufficient enough to satisfy,
but not enough to
provide the big picture of
the inner workings of the mind.
This doesn't mean
that I am cold or callous,
but that I am cautious,
for I don't wish to experience
another kiss from Judas.
It does take a LOT to break that,
and I'm working on it.
