Dejected

by Something Strange   Dec 2, 2017


I dream only of you,
Think only of you.

Your beautiful blue eyes,
Deep like an ocean,
I drown.

Your enlightening laugh,
Butterflies filling me,
I suffocate.

Your salaciously soft lips ,
Speaking the most beautiful words,
And never touching mine.
I die inside.

~~ Something Strange ~~

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  • 7 years ago

    by BlueJay

    Though there is nothing incredibly special about this piece I was drawn to it because I know what this feels like, as I'm sure many others do, and I enjoyed this because it's kind of something I wanted to be reminded of this time of year - if that makes sense.

    Sorry this wasn't a fabulous comment, but I feel like every piece deserves honest feedback even if it is mundane or off the wall.

    P.s. Consider trying something other than capitalizing the first letter of all lines, because it detracts from the importance of each line, if you want to try something different or practice other styles - if you're happy as is then totally ignore this!

    • 7 years ago

      by Something Strange

      No, thank you BlueJay! I love this kind of corrective criticism because it makes me a better writer.
      i did have the slight feeling my words felt empty and not so meaningful.
      Again, thank you so much for your honesty!
      ~~ Something Strange ~~

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