Broken Loyalty, Broken Bond

You called me last night
For the first time in years
I was so glad to hear your voice
But also brought back a few fears..
Don't get me wrong
I have missed you so much
I've been waiting for that moment
For far to long..
When me of all people
You should of never gave up on.

You said you wouldn't leave me
Now you have two kids..
You said you wouldn't leave me..
But just so happen, you did.

I had so much left to say to you
So much I had to lose.
Nothing would of mattered to me
I was always there for you..
Not once have I let someone come between us
Now everything has changed
And you say you think of me
All of the time,
When not once have I heard from you,
Even when family was dying.
So many tears I spent crying,
Months I spent lying,
Just to protect myself.
Losing myself.
Wrapped up in drugs
And emotions carried me away..

I tried so hard to end it all,
I know that's not what you wanted to hear..
When it comes to you,
I couldn't help myself.
Because since the day you disappeared
I've been left wondering
Why do I still care about you
When I could never have you again.
And nothing will be the same,
Not like it use too..
No matter how hard I try to make amends,
There is no competition,
When kids are suddenly thrown in..
The picture..

I never pictured it like this.
I'm honestly happy for you.
There is no doubting that.
I just miss the way we use to be,
I guess I'm just stuck in the past.
Because no matter what is said or done,
There is no going back.
I just thought the loyalty between us was stronger,
Apparently forever doesn't last..

I just want to say I'm sorry,
If I've hurt you in any way.
Never thought id hear from you again,
Never thought id see the day.
I was so excited to finally hear from you,
That I forgot about all the pain.
I wanted to tell you in person,
But now I'm in a different state.
Still one day I hope we could start over,
Begin a clean slate.

When all I've done is pray,
My heart grew colder every minute you were away.
It wasn't like I could call you,
Or just pull up at your house,
Couldn't call your family,
Didn't want to stress them out.
Wasn't sure if they still liked me,
Consumed in self doubt.
Went into another depression,
My anxiety increased.
I still somehow held on to hope,
Trying not to feel so weak.
Like my world was suddenly over,
Even though that's probably dramatic.
You being there just became a habit.
Til you had to cut ties..
The older I get I still can't understand why,
You of all people,
What happen to ride or die..

Are you just playing with my head,
When you said you really missed me.
Because now your back with her.
And once again I'm reminiscing.
I can't help but think about you,
And what we could of been.
I was suppose to cheer you up,
And cage your demons within.
Instead I wasn't good enough..

Feeding fake smiles while silently feeling empty.
Caught in the abyss,
In a web of misguidance.
Trying to be strong,
Because you taught me..
While drowning in faith,
Hoping this friendship could ever potentially be revived.
When in all reality,
Ill never again be the tiger in your eye..

I gave you my heart.
And you crushed it.
Sorry to sound selfish.
But what you don't get is
For you..
I would have died.

I would still take a bullet for you.

I would be there if you needed me,
So you wouldn't have to go through that torture.
Of being alone,
When deep down I'm still there.
Afraid to show you my true feelings,
You brush it off like you never cared.
Even though you do..
But you can't..

Because you have moved on..
While I'm still letting go..