The Other Side of Me

by Alex Penuelas   Dec 21, 2017


Hey,
I think I'm going to
Break character for a moment.

The character being
The positive, happy-go-lucky person
That you often see here posting up
Poems of positivity.

Because to tell you all the truth,
As much as I love to ensure
That the people around me
Are all feeling good,
I often forget about myself.

No. Not happy Alex.

Not the one you are conditioned to see.

The other Alex.

The one that only appears
In small waves of succession,
After being exposed to emotions
That force the creature from its cage.

Yes. I try to be happy,
As much as I can,
But I cannot deny the fact
That, when i am alone with my thoughts,
My mind often wanders to a
Deep, dark place.

A place full of misery and self-loathing,
Hating myself for the lack of accomplishments
That i could-have, should-have done,
But didn't do.

A place that must be repressed,
Because I have spent years
(4 years to be exact)
Of feeling helpless, hopeless.

A place where the
Nihilism, the cynicism, and the fatalism
All come together to
Make an unholy alliance,
Darkening my view on humanity.

All because of a fateful day,
Where my innocence
Was taken from me
Without my consent.

... I would rather not get into the details.

But ever since that moment,
I have compartmentalized how I
Appear to others,
Only showing them as much of my
Positive side as I can,
To the point that it becomes saccharine.

My reasoning behind this is that
I refuse to live in a world
Where I can't make someone else smile.

And that I do not ever want
Anyone to feel
As sad as I do.

It does take a lot,
A LOT,
To get me to truly show
The sad soul that shyly hides
Behind a smile.

But this is not to say
That I am not a happy person.

I am.

I just hate the fact
That my mind likes to construct things
Such that everything is a worse case scenario.

And it doesn't help that I have the
Misfortune of being extremely empathetic,
To the point that I go the extra mile
For people i know for a fact
Wouldn't even take an extra step for me.

But I'm working on it.

I'm a canvas that hasn't been
Fully completed yet,
But the pieces are starting to add up.

I just hope that I am able
To come to terms with
The other side of me.

    report violation
2


Did You Like This Poem?

Latest Comments

  • 6 years ago

    by Milly Hayward

    An interesting and honest piece. I like to think that everyone is made up of many parts, some dark, some light, some funny, with different likes, dislikes and experiences that all make up the sum of one. I read a long time ago that we have a choice to either learn from our experiences and move on leaving them behind or to let the experiences affect us badly, to carry them with us weighing us down. You said that you are a canvas that hasn't been fully completed yet and that is a wonderful metaphor. I don't think that we ever complete our canvas until the last moment but we have free choice on the colours and shapes that we lay down in permanence. Perhaps the bad things are just lessons to be laid down in pencil and rubbed away once we have derived the lesson. Having empathy with others is a two edged sword on the one hand you are able to do good things and be a good person on the other it makes you more sensitive to others needs regardless of the type of person and if they are users then ultimately the only thing to do is remove them from your life and surround yourself instead with like minded people. Take good care best wishes Milly x

  • 6 years ago

    by Em

    A very honest piece - you seem a lot like me going that extra mile for people who don't give a poop!!

More Poems By Alex Penuelas