As we sit, foot apart
Laughing and smiling
I suddenly begin to think
My mind wanders through the dark holes in my mind
digging and digging up those painful memories that I tried so hard to hide
I clench my fist
And I shiver
Because the ghost of you is peering over my shoulder
The ghost of that horrible person you were
''You dont love me?''
Were the words you'd say
No father, I dont love you
But i complied anyway
That night
When I was sleeping at ease, and for once, no nightmares
Or so I thought
I feel your hands on my body
As I jolt awake
And I hear your footsteps rushing out my bedroom
As I begin to cry
I find myself in the bathroom, I can't see
I can't see through all my tears
I don't have the courage to cut
No, not yet
I sob my heart out that night
Next day you apologize, telling me not to tell
Mom'll get mad
I know she wouldn't
But I comply anyway
Why do I comply, when I know what is right?
Why did you let you break me apart each night?
Why are yours hands still on my body, when its over?
Why do I refuse and hesitate to hug you?
You might have changed, yes you might have
But what you left behind didn't
