Certain

I’ve been having trouble finding all the words I want to say;
Even my poetry feels like it’s
been off lately.
Struggling to tune into what
I’m feeling,
I take a hit of my lit cigarette
and look at our picture displayed across my phone screen.
Seeing you the other night was
so relieving but-
Seeing you stressed out and drained was hard because I know there’s not much I can do
from where I’m currently standing.
The ache in my chest is undeniable as I try to decide whether I want
to cry or whether I’m too numb
to do it;
Unsure of whether or not I have the energy to sit here
and even think about which one
it is.
Rubbing my temples
I turn off my music and wrap my blanket tighter around me and-
as I look at your smile in the picture once more my heart swells.
I miss you so much and despite my undecided-ness on everything
else;
right now one of the only things I know for certain is that I love
you.