if I were to be honest
honest with myself
my hands wouldn't bleed salvation
these hands are gritty
from holding this mirror
& shell of a man
that only decides his fate
through materialistic thoughts.
this mirror isn't even sturdy
it holds the truth and shows nothing but pain
laying waste to trivial things
one bedroom wish at a time.
when I look into this mirror
I wonder where the sweet innocence went.
the smile, the laughter, the dreams
where the ambition has gone to
the young child who gets up every time
he gets knocked down.
I wonder where the life went to
the going outside
the exploring
the days of happiness where people.
this mirror shows the truth
it doesn’t hide
it shows my scars and the bags
under my eyes
that formed through the nights
of being alone.
if I only had a message to send to myself
I would say I want a day with younger me
and to tell him the friends he has
they are not friends.
I would hold myself and tell him everything
will be ok, at his hardest times
and that the nightmares he has
are not normal. he should go to counseling.
I would tell him one day he will grow to be 27
and his first girlfriend would be at the age of 25
and he we fall deeply and it would hurt
but hell make it out ok, and that this lesson
will help him mature emotionally to deeper heights.
this mirror doesn’t hide these details
it knows everything.
it also knows the nights you question your own sexuality
learning your bisexual at a older age wishing you had the balls
to open up earlier.
but romance is only romance when its accepted
and these paper thin veins only surge when someone feels
the same adrenaline and its quite obvious
you only felt that rush around those certain girls.
but me and this mirror both know
your animalistic thoughts.
this mirror doesn’t crack
its adamant and strong like the man you always wanted to be.
the man you wish you could always be
the man you never became.
its trotting in your 30s soon
maybe youll make it maybe you wont.
it doesn’t matter because
every year, you grow and learn
and get alittle stronger.
maybe this year will be the year
you pull it together.
