Comments : Forbidden Treat

  • 6 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Hello Brise,

    This reads as a letter, an invitation to come for dinner, stay for supper and perhaps a night cap.

    The ardent conflicting emotion of wanting what is 'forbidden lust' makes it all the more exciting. We all want/crave what we can't have.

    I hope this letter delivers you more that a moist smile.

    • 6 years ago

      by Brise

      Hello Mr. Darcy, couldn't help but smile, thank you for your praise. Haven't written in months. My inspiration comes and goes but still thank you ;)

  • 6 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Fluently rhymed and well written throughout.

    I enjoyed this, Brise.

    Take care and all the best,

    Ben

    • 6 years ago

      by Brise

      Thank you Ben ! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Best wishes to you !!

  • 6 years ago

    by Lost One

    Sultry, seductive... I like it.

    • 6 years ago

      by Brise

      Thank you Tony :)

    • 6 years ago

      by Lost One

      It reminds me of a friend I had. We liked eachother a lot, there was definite chemistry there but we were both in relationships. Nothing ever happened... But there was a lot of tension.

  • 6 years ago

    by William Mae

    Very good poetry, reads as a longing invitation, a wanting need to explore. Very good

    • 6 years ago

      by Brise

      Thank you William, and yes I guess you're right it reads as an invitation specially the last stanza. But anyways thank you :)

  • 6 years ago

    by Kitty Cat Lady

    I'm sure many of us can relate to this Brise and you've expressed the feeling brilliantly ... but the next step is a sticky one ... what happens if he openly hints? I hope you're inspired to write the sequel :-) x
    =^.^=

    • 6 years ago

      by Brise

      Thank you Kitty Cat, love hearing from you. I hope I write the sequel too ha ha but I'm scared to write it, I mean you're right it is a sticky situation in the end :)

  • 6 years ago

    by Hope

    I love the last part. Good poem and I stink at writing love poems.... Keep writing.

    • 6 years ago

      by Brise

      Thank you Hope :) and dont worry I suck at writing poems that aren't about love lol

  • 6 years ago

    by Mark

    Really enjoyed the read and it is nominated. :)

    • 6 years ago

      by Brise

      Thank you Mark :) I'm glad you enjoyed it and that's awesome that its nominated, never been much of a poet writer so I'm flattered :)

  • 6 years ago

    by Em (marmite)

    Absolutely love this, it's seductive somewhat and certainly relatable as we've all at some point craved what we can't or shouldn't have be in chocolate or another human lol

    • 6 years ago

      by Brise

      I'm sorry I took so long to reply but thank you Em :) you're right about the chocolate though one bite can't be bad, right ? Lol

  • 6 years ago

    by Kitty Cat Lady

    Judging comment:
    This for me is the very epitome of playing with fire. Brise has expressed that curious craving to have what you can’t or shouldn’t have – knowing that one more step is going to complicate life (and not in a good way) but being inexplicably drawn in regardless. He (an assumption) knows it too and is most likely trying to be sensible – but her need to know for sure if it’s real or imagined on her part will be their undoing. It’s impossible to go through life only ever being attracted to the person you’re with, but it’s what you do about that attraction that writes the story – one way or the other. An excellent write. :-) x
    =^.^=